I woulda... But No.

Dear... You.

You're pretty cool for a fourteen year old, you know? And I would have said yes, but then I realised that I was only your second choice, and as much as I hate to sound conceited.. I'm worth more than that. If I'm going to get with someone that much younger than me, it's not going to be because I'm the best you can get at the moment.
I want to be made to feel special, same as any girl, so forgive me if I decide that I want more than somebody else's cast offs.

I know I could only be with you until She got here anyway. *Sighs* It's not worth it, you know?

Sincerely... Me.

Theologi-cool.

Yeah, those of you who know me IRL might just laugh at that title, but for the rest of you... it's a long story.

Anyway, our youth group met at the town swimming pool/rec center thing tonight, and I was bored. Like, really bored. Sitting in the spa, just chilling because the only person there that I wanted to talk to really was talking to her boyfriend. (A nice guy, but I'm not sure that he really understands his title.) Anyway, I was sitting there watching everyone mucking around, and this guy comes up to me, one of the leaders. We'd chatted before, and he'd asked if I was a christian etc, you know, the usual youth group leader stuff... so this time he comes up and says:

"Oh, you have no-one to talk to? Let's talk about Jesus, I like Jesus." It's an odd way to start a conversation, but blunt, I appreciated that, but replied as I often do, with half-sarcasm.
"Yep, he's a pretty cool guy eh."

The conversation went easy from there. He quizzed me about what I knew about Jesus. (basically just stories, I'm a Sunday school teacher, not a theologian) And corrected me when I proved my ignorance. And anyway, we started talking about Eden, and the trees. He was saying that there were two trees in the garden of Eden, The tree of Life, and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Anyway, we were talking for a good half hour, which was pretty awesome. But then we parted, because sitting in a spa for too long just drives you crazy with the heat.

Probably the only enjoyable part of my night was listening to what he had to say and learning it. The other hour and a half... fairly uninteresting.

That is all.

Note to Self.

I do a lot of this I guess. It's all mental, trying to get myself to remember hings that I should already know. I do it to help me remember due homework, important dates, everything like that. But my mind is a messy place. Mayhap I could organise it, like Daine had to in The Immortals quartet.. but that takes time, and effort, and if I do it by the book, meditation. I don't think I could concentrate long enough for that, so instead I have a diary, and a blackboard above my bed to remind me of everything I need to do. "Pay for Ball Tickets" is right above "Chemistry practice - due wed." In my messy scrawl.

I love blackboards, and chalk. They're just so much easier than electronic reminders, and such an awesome reminder of simpler times. Oh, that reminds me... I really need to clean my room today, and do that chemistry homework.. And english too now! Maybe I should give my laptop to my brother this afternoon so that I don't get distracted by my Sims family. Yeah, it's a silly addiction, but so much fun.

I bought that latest expansion pack in the weekend, Generations. The body hair option is beyond weird and creepy (and the imaginary friends are even creepier) but I love all the new items and emotions and things, especially the teen and child stuff. Oooh, it's so much more exciting than it should be.

Anyway, right now I'm in my Art History class, unable to log into the correspondence school website because I forgot my login number and the person who might have it isn't here, so I decided to see if the school computers allowed blogging. Apparently they do, though I wonder how long that's going to last now that I'm using it in class. I kinda wish I could do my Art History standard though, as much as I hate the theory. The culture is so much more interesting. Maybe I should have taken classics? Oh, who knows.. I might have been fed up with that too.

Ah well, Time to sign off I think. See ya.

Single... Again.

There's something satisfying about being able to hang out with your best friend without anyone getting jealous, that's for sure. For a while there I would worry about who I sat with or talked to, and worried when I texted someone else "too much". That's a weight off my shoulders. But at the same time, it's weird to think that once again I'm single, and once again there's an expectation that I'll date the guy I hang out with most. Except that... oh yeah! He's gay. That's almost a relief. It'll certainly stop any rumours.

I wonder what's going to happen next...
Maybe I should just focus on school for a while.
Cara.