Dear...

Dear Girl who sits behind me in class.

You know who you are, hell, you probably know better than I do, but from where I sit, you seem like a bitch. Yeah, I said it. You're a bitch. You know how you got onto your boyfriend's facbook and managed his friends? That's a bitchy thing to do. It says "I'm in charge and you can only talk to who I say you can." You know your boyfriend's mate? The one who sits next to you? Yeah, you flirt with him too much. In front of your boyfriend. I'm sorry if I come off as nosy, but there are limits to how much idiocracy I can stand.

And do you know what's the worst thing about you? When he sticks up for himself, you play the victim. Arg! I really don't understand you.

Sincerely - the nerd who sits in front of you.

Relationship Status - It's Complicated

Boy oh boy oh boy, I hate using this function on facebook.

Relationship statuses are silly anyway. I mean, I know who I'm dating, my friends know who I'm dating, everyone who matters to me knows who I'm dating. Right? So why do I have to click a button that just gets a whole bunch of people who don't really care asking "What's wrong?" Or "What happened?"

Facebook is silly. Or maybe I just don't care for gossip once I get home from school? No, that's bull... I love gossip. Maybe I just don't like fake people, and people are never real on facebook. It's all summed up in the name. FACEbook. It's where you put on a face for the people who only half know you. "Omg, we HAVE to catch up!" And then never make plans, because it was all an act anyway.

But why is my relationship status "complicated" anyway? Well...
Remember my boyfriend? The sweet one? Yeah, well it turns out that as sweet as he is, we aren't all that comfortable around each other. I can't have a real conversation around him because he's just too serious about everything. He seems to think that when I say casual conversation I really mean that I have trust issues and I can't let him into my true feelings. Hello! I post my feelings on the internet, the small drop in the ocean that they are. So, we're on a break, learning to be friends properly before we try and date again.

I'm not optimistic about our chances of getting back together after our "break" but at least I'm letting him down gently. Right?

Ah, the ramblings of a teenager. - Stupidity.
Cara... xox

Planning.

It's always something that I've never done. Does that make sense? I don't study for exams, I don't think before I act, and basically... it's biting me on the bum at the moment. I go away to university next year, and I have no money because I didn't think about getting a job years ago. I have no plan for what I really want to study because I just took the easy classes, and I'm barely passing them because I never have the foresight to do my homework, let alone study for the important exams.

But cruising isn't exactly good for me. I mean, you can cruise in year nine and ten, when you can't get credits toward uni... but by the time you're a year thirteen, you really should have pulled your head in and started studying properly. Right? But nooo, it was easier to cruise. And now I'm paying, and panicking. What do I do next year? Yeah, this is bad.

I should knuckle down. New week's resolution? I wonder how long it'll last?


See ya. Cara.

A Rainbow Cross

So I can't remember if I've mentioned this before or not, but I teach sunday school. And this week we were doing printing, with crayons and an iron. My design was a cross with all the colours of the rainbow.

Red

Orange

Yellow

Green

Blue

Indigo

Violet

All of them. In a pattern. It looks kinda awesome, but it's munted. The colours have bled into the fabric around it, especially the red... kinda a halo around the top and side. And the indigo is more blue than purple. But it's pretty anyway. It kinda reminds me of me. There's the obvious bit - I'm a bisexual christian. A rainbow cross. But bits of me don't work all that well. My mind isn't exactly normal. My feet and ankles are bunged. But I'm still pretty awesome, and unique. So maybe it's worth being weird for the sake of being me. 

Oh well... I'm out of things to say for now.

Cara.     

I Really Should Post More.

Blogging used to be so important to me. It was my one escape from everything, from everyday life. I miss it. But it's kind of been replaced, I tweet now, and spend too much time on avatar forum sites. I express myself 140 characters at a time, instead of a couple of hundred words. Is that so wrong? I think that it might be.

It's not me, you know. I spend more time dwelling, and less time living than I did when I used to post daily, putting my life on line. It was easier to live carelessly when all my worries were out there on the internet and not in my brain, cluttering up my mind.

I think it's time to go back to being open, putting everything online... but how? Should I continue to write it all down? Or should I just record it with my webcam? Become yet another youtuber ranting about what's going on in my life? On second thoughts, I have a face for radio. Blogging it is.

See you tomorrow.